Most conversations between 60-something year-old mothers and their 30-something year-old daughters don’t generally go like this:
“Mom, I need your recipe for pistachio cake. I’m DMing a game on Wednesday!”
“Oh Sweetie, you’re going to be a Dungeon Master! I’m so proud of you!”
This conversation took place via cell phone while my mom was shopping at Target. She is proud of me being a Dungeon Master, likening it to directing a blockbuster summer movie or that time I ran for Vice President in 10th grade (and lost to Stacy Hendrick’s boyfriend, of all people!).
Mom did get some weird looks that day, which pissed her off. She’s become very protective of D&D and the people who play.
To the woman on her right pretending to study picture frames, my mom said, “I hope she doesn’t kill her friends. Imagine the guilt.”
My mom would make a fantastic Dungeon Master.
Guilt aside, my opportunity was coming with alarming frequency. But there was so much to do! Like finding willing and able participants.
Learning a thing or two from my ambush D&D game with the girls, I knew it would be best to:
A. Play with people who already know how to play and
B. Be honest about your intentions.
Even more importantly, they should possess the following traits:
Charisma (15+): Must have the ability do something entertaining to divert the focus off me while I try to figure out which page of the adventure I’m on. (Scott.)
Intelligence (14+): Must have enough knowledge of the game to not need me to explain the little details. (Marty.)
Wisdom (6): IQ aside, this person must be easily won over with food and drinks. (Adam.)
Strength (13+): Must be strong and focused enough to help get the game back on track should I completely lose control. Or drink too much and pass out. Or lock myself in the bathroom out of shame. (Sara.)
Dexterity (15+): Must be nimble, fast-thinking, and able to focus on many tasks at once, such as playing a PC and answering the DM’s questions, such as “Can they look in that window? They can? What do they see?” (New DM.)
While most of them knew of my experiment, they didn’t all know they’d be part of it. Not sure if this would be considered an honor, I thought I’d employ some reverse psychology tactics.
Hi everyone,
After months of careful scrutiny, pretend focus groups, and miles of secret footage, you have been selected to take part in a once a lifetime opportunity. I have nominated you to be on TLC’s What Not to Wear! Stacy and Clinton will be here tomorrow so look your worst!
Ha, ha, ha, just kidding …
Within seconds Adam was at my desk.
“You’re not funny,” he said.
I hate it when people open conversations with that.
“But yeah, I’ll play D&D with you.”
Let it be known this was the same day Adam showed up to work in sandals and socks. I’m just saying . .
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What about diety? Are you lawfull good or evil?